I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
