girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
