yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
