it was like his penis was on wheels.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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