i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
