I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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