whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
