some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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