come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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