Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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