Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
