Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
