I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
