you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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