i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
