Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
