She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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