i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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