The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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