you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
