You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
