He is like the real live version of the state fair..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
