i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
