the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
