ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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