I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
