nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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