Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
