It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
