well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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