quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
