I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
