Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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