Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
