Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
