my mouth tastes like poor choices
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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