Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
