living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
