i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
