...so i touched it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
