I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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