Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
