What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
