i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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