why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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