tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
