I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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