I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
