Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
