DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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