I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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