Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
