Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
