Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
