you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
