Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
