Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
