Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
