She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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