I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
