Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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