I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize