I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
