sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
