I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize