Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
