The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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