you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
