in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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