So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
