plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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