Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
