Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
