my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
